Something Blue

I'm getting married.

I almost had an interview. 

I'm training 2 new people to take over my job.

We're looking for a house to buy.

These events fall among the Things I Failed To Anticipate List back when I began this little experiment.  Getting hitched, finding a new job, moving...luckily only 2 of those have major wardrobe requirements.

And I think I've managed to slide past them unscathed, at least where The Rules are concerned.  Well, sort of, and perhaps my karmic punishment for my slight indiscretions is the cancelled interview last week.

Okay, I'll come clean.  When it comes to the dress from Anthro for the actual wedding, I did use gift cards to get it...aaaaand Brendon.  The gift cards got me most of the way there, and then I placed the dress in his hands at the register and just said, "Please."  He forked over the rest of the cash to actually purchase the dress, all with a big grin on his handsome face.  Swoon, I will marry that man!

Then the interview shoes.  Earlier this week, I had an interview suddenly scheduled, and it dawned on me that these purging sessions with my closet have eradicated all semi-sensible black shoes from my life.  The totally sensible ones I still own, which function well in my current all-terrain work environment.  And then I have a few that even my dear grandmother calls "f-me" pumps.  But I didn't want totally sensible shoes in an interview, nor did I want Catwoman's footwear. 

I cursed the Closet Experiment, then remembered I still had that $100 Macy's card!  Yessss!  I was off to the mall Labor Day in search of some awesome black patent leather.  Which is how I ended up with these ridiculously gorgeous Coach heels.  

Seriously, is it not some rite of passage for a young lady to purchase her first pair of Coach shoes?  I kept waiting for music to play or for someone to come on to the intercom at Macy's to "say a few words."  Or maybe I'm just a little emotional in the midst of all these rites of passage I'm tackling these few months.  I mean, trying them on was like listening to harp music. Even the packaging was beautiful.  

The only thing that wasn't perfect was the price: $138.

So here's the thing--the sales lady got the price down to under $100 for me, but that was by opening a Macy's card, standing on my head, and breathing out of just one nostril.  Or something like that.  But it was all contingent on opening this card.  I just don't need any other credit inquiries while we're getting ready to buy a house.  

Argh, why am I doing so many big things at once?  Gotta get the shoes to get a job to afford the house, but can't get the shoes without sacrificing the credit just a smidgeon...and it's all so hard to think about because I'm just freakin' hungry, all because I need to fit in that doggone (yet very pretty) dress to get married!

This is when the harp music stopped.  The sales lady backed away as I'm sure smoke came out of my ears and tears welled up in my eyes, probably for the 57th time this week.  Most everything is an emotional experience these days.  I promise I'm trying to get more sleep and lay off the caffeine.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.  Take a breath.  These are the things that we don't want, that we don't need--stress over silly things.  These are exciting times, not times for anxiety.  One step at a time...

F it.  I bought the shoes, and yes, forked over the extra $38 and taxes.  And yes, then the interview was cancelled for some sort of internal reason at the company (or maybe they sensed the brief blip in my willpower radar and got disappointed, whatever).  And I was disappointed.  

But I did not return the shoes.  And I still had my suit jacket altered, which was looking huge since my days of hardcore working out and living without a tiny dress hanging in my room.  How did that thing ever fit my shoulders?  Was I really such a linebacker?  The sleeves were hanging past my knuckles when I tried it on again!  Mr. Swan actually laughed a little when I tried it on for him, and then he went to work pinning it up and back all over the place.  Now it looks like a proper jacket for a proper adult.

But then I had to address my other alterations issue, the one that's been making me dream about trans fat and super refined sugar every night: the dress that still would not fit as of this past Monday.  I took that tiny dress to my Aunt Sarah and Granny, who looked at me actually in it and determined the stupid zipper was messed up!  "It's not you, Shannon, it's that zipper!" They both declared that there was plenty of room for all of Shannon in it, and then Aunt Sarah worked on the zipper overnight...and now it fits!  

I zipped that sucker all the way up, finally wearing it for real for the first time, and it was just beautiful. No, I did not immediately indulge in a Hostess Cupcake to celebrate, figuring this would certainly be bad luck.  But I did consider it...and ate a carrot instead.  Wahh-waaah.

Now the issue of what sort of undergarments to wear under it.  Straps simply aren't an option, and I don't even want the bumps of a strapless bra under that lovely fabric.  I equipped myself with the following nifty little item: The NuBra. 

Please enoy this item for all that it is, its ridiculous little slogans, its pink packaging, its black-and-white photography a la the 60s.  And please fully appreciate the fact that it is simply a couple of weird little sticky cups to wear in the place of an actual bra.  It's A Softer, Lighter Definition of Freedom.  And apparently it offers the girl on the box a solution for backless fashion. 

Dude, really, if you can buy Freedom and Solutions in a little pink box at Macy's, I think they ought to up the advertising a little.  "People will most definitely come, Ray." 

And that's how I justified the outright purchase of this item: it's not a bra.  It's not even an accessory.  Nay, it's a solution and a freedom. 

And beyond that, it's pretty much just a couple of glorified bandaids. So no, I'm not going to feel bad about this one.  Not unless it just pops off randomly in the middle of a rather important moment with the judge today.  I guess we'll really see how my shopping karma is holding up with this little sticky cuppy thing. 

Thus ends the stress.  I am not going to worry about all these big things that are happening.  No more anxiety about whether I'm prepared or equipped or have the right pair of shoes. 

This is a very exciting time and I intend to fully enjoy every moment of it.  I confess that I've stretched The Rules ever-so-slightly with this wedding/new job stuff, but I don't think I went too far.  I also confess that I've let myself become a bit of the Something Blue that I'm supposed to wear today, and I am officially shrugging that mentality off.  No more blues; I'm excited and happy and grateful and hopeful. 

And I can't wait to report to you just how awesome those Coach beauties and that NuBra are, both in interviews and in the wedding. 

And by the way, I will be reporting it to you as Shannon Kelly Clark.