Tuesday: OMG. WTF. LMAO (that's Limping My Ass Off). Three Mile Loop, why are you so f-ing difficult this morning? I am seriously discouraged and intend to find a new route tomorrow for the 4 miles.
Wednesday: It's hard to find the street signs for my new route in the dark. Oddly enough, I'm back at the house after a mere 25 minutes. You have to smart and directionally savvy to run marathons? Ruh roh.
Thursday: Six Mile Loop. How about this--in the future, I will take care not to make a neighborhood route that passes my 2 favorite breakfast restaurants. Especially right as they're pumping out their first amazing smells of the day.
|shaaaaaannoooon! Stop running and eeeeaaaaat us!|
The Upper Crust: You are cruel smell-jerks.
|Seriously! Just stop jogging for a little bit and eat us, tasty breakfast foods!|
The Omelettry: Also cruel smell-jerks. Your savory powers of seduction made a small tear slip down my cheek as I passed you up.
Paper Route Guy: you scared me to death in your slow-moving drive...creeping up behind me and throwing stuff. Good thing you were too far for my Mace, dude.
Pre-run coffee: you are clearly a bad idea as you almost made paper route guy induce a little leakage on my part. Maybe you did, but I couldn't tell through my 5 layers of clothing.
Port-O-Potty on Shoal Creek construction site: I really really really wanted to use you. But a Port-O-Potty on an empty lot, by the woods, in the dark? Sounds like a bad horror movie beginning, especially after being creeped out by a dude throwing things out of his 5-mile-an-hour PT Cruiser.
Shadow: You normally make me look tall and thin. Why then this morning, under the full moon, did you make me look pregnant? That's not very nice. You did prevent me from banging on the window at Upper Crust and asking for a cinnamon roll, so thanks for that I guess.
People who drive around before 5:30 AM: Where on earth are you going? Leave the road to the crazy pedestrians for heaven's sake and stay in bed where it's warm and doesn't smell like seducing omelettes.
Appetite: I am really extra mad at you. You have come between me and my favorite pants. We shall not be speaking today.
Friday: Nine Mile Loop. This got rounded down to 6. And I changed the "run" to "trot/walk".
Saturday: SWEET DAY OF REST AND DELICIOUS CARBS!!!
Sunday: Long Run Day. Scary nervous morning, followed by happy run on Town Lake. Heck, it was raining last time I attempted this, and this morning it was not! Nor was the route covered in smells of seduction. If anything, it occasionally smelled like duck poop, which was helpful in my endeavor not to think of cinnamon rolls.
Parent-joggers on Town Lake: Props to you. Especially those of you pushing your twins in your all-terrain double stroller. While you almost knocked me in the lake because you took up so much trail space, I still think you're utterly amazing for being able to find your jogging clothes and get those kids out the door before 9 AM.
|My sexy look-alike jogs Town Lake for the entertainment of hundreds!|
Girl in plaid shorts/knee-highs/neon pink shoes: How do you run on your toes like that? Props to you, too. Your Mila Kunis looks in an impossibly Catholic schoolgirl running outfit gave the men on the trail a 2nd wind for much of the 4.5-mile loop. You should ignore the dirty looks the women were giving you and continue to enjoy being sexy while running...if anything, do it for a decidedly not sexy runner.
And that was Week 2. I'm still alive, and I can still walk, so perhaps I'll keep reporting on this process.
Maybe the reward for doing something like this is getting to look like Mila Kunis while out jogging! I could get behind that. Maybe not with little plaid shorts and knee-highs, but who knows?
That might be the secret outfit to combat chafing and she's the only one who knows it.