Saturday, February 13, 2010

Muffy and Spencer Take on The Galleria

So I went to the Galleria.

Yeah, that may sound like a casual snippet of conversation. I assure you it is not. It is a statement of some sort of test of willpower.

No, that's a bit overdramatic. The visit to DSW beforehand was a test of willpower. They must have known I was coming, because they put out all their gorgeous heels for me. I walked in behind Brendon and was immediately overwhelmed with the intoxicating onslaught of colors, textures, and sweet smell of leather that is a shoe store.

I just hadn't prepared myself. Averting my eyes from the pumps and sandals (oh god, sandals!) I bee-lined for the men's section and focused entirely on getting Brendon to try on every pair of shiny, pointy-toed monstrosities I could find. So it might not have been his affectionate belief in my own willpower that made him gently suggest I check out the women's shoes.

Anyway, whatever, the rest is kind of hazy. I found this photo in my camera, taken somewhere in the recesses of the sales rack, probably in a puddle of desire-ridden saliva.

I don't think I actually tried them on, but I was obviously taken with them.

Somehow we made it out, and somehow I didn't buy anything. And honestly, the rest was a little easier. Probably because we stepped out of our normal purchase range when we walked in that big door next to Tiffany's.

Ah, the Galleria. The crowds of people speaking all those languages, wearing all those strange clothes, sporting all that hair gel. Definitely another culture.

And when Brendon and I wander out of our class like that, a peculiar thing happens. Our alter personalities come to visit.

Enter Muffy and Spencer.

Don't laugh; Muffy and Spencer are very important people. They like everyone else to know how important they are. They have a lovely, slight British accent, and they speak as if Julia Child and The Queen instructed them in their speech.

They shop in expensive stores, stay at swanky hotels, and always forget where they parked the Jaguar (say it right: JAG-yoo-ah).

In Saks, we looked at men's sport coats. I noticed the commas in all the prices and wondered,

1. What does one do to make money that one casually purchases this type of clothing, and

2. where does one wear it?

So I looked up at Brendon across the aisle and called out,

"Oh Spencer, DO come and look at this jacket! Wouldn't it be just adorable for that first evening on the yacht?"

Spencer always knows what to say, "I daresay it would, Muffy, dahling, but it looks a bit cheap don't you think?"

People already kind of stare at us when we go places, I guess because Brendon is a giant and my hair kinda sticks out, but when Muffy and Spencer go places, it's a whole new ball game.

"Oh Spencer, you MUST consider this velvet coat with the little bunny skull and crossbones for the awards banquet!"

"Muffy dearest, I think you know that I have no intentions whatsoever of giving a speech at that damn banquet, so let's just forget about the bunny skulls, shall we?"

"But Spencer, what about the Ambassador?"

"Frankly, Muffy, I don't give a damn about the Ambassador. Now call Charles and have him bring the car around."

Folks stare, catch themselves staring, then pretend not to look as they listen in. A very fun way to shop.

So Muffy and Spencer floated through the crowds at the Galleria, turning up their noses at $2,000 handbags and considering just having the house chef prepare dinner instead of fighting the rabble in a restaurant.

Muffy found a very cute dress at the French Connection, too, and finally gave me the strength to try something on. It was adorable, ridiculous, and expensive, which I think gave me that little push to actually take it to a dressing room.

It was too short and too tight, but somehow reminded me of a Barbie I had as a kid in the 80s, so I had to try it.

And it was fun. The dressing room attendants kind of treated me like a Muffy, and then really believed me when I cited how revealing it was as my reason for not purchasing.

So after several hours of not buying things, we left the Galleria and its crowds of expensive taste.

We went to The Grotto for dinner, sans Muffy/Spencer, where we enjoyed wine and bread and dessert (I guess my favorite things, after shoes).

And a funny thing--dinner was the only thing we spent money on that evening, and we were satisfied. I guess a little time spent together can be more enjoyable than the rush of buying clothes at the matter what Muffy and Spencer say.